剑雅17T2小作文

一个笨蛋(7)写到：

The table and the pie charts demonstrate source and destination of the police budget of one area in Britain between 2017 and 2018.

Overall, there was a modest upward trend among three budget sources, with the government remaining the main funding source. Spending priorities shifted notably, with the technology gaining a significantly larger share.

In terms of the budget sources, national government maintained its status as the largest source of the budget, increasing slightly from 175.5 million in 2017 to 177.8 in 2018. Similarly, a visible surge in local taxes was observed, climbing from 91.2 to 102.3. Other categories like grants remained virtually unchanged, hovering around 38 million. As a result, the total budget grew from 304.7 to 318.8.

Regarding the allocation of the budget, the building and transport kept a static proportion at 17 percent. Meanwhile, the salaries for the officers and staff suffered a substantial plunge from 75% to 69%, whereas technology rose considerably from 8% to 14%.

一些错误：

• percent = %，而the percentage of XX is 123
• There be句型的单复数由后面紧跟的第一个主语的单复数决定。这就是“就近原则”。其他也是的either/or
• £ 是英镑 pounds
• 您的作文就像一辆拥有顶级发动机和底盘（CC和TA）的跑车，但车身上有几处明显的刮痕，且轮胎气不足（LR和GRA的错误）。它跑得依然比很多车快（逻辑清晰），但无法在顶级赛事中夺冠（拿到8分）。

Band 9 例子：

The presented table and pie charts delineate the origin and expenditure of the police budget in a specific region of the United Kingdom for the fiscal years 2017 and 2018.

Overall, the total budget witnessed a modest increment, predominantly financed by the national government. Concurrently, a conspicuous reallocation of funds occurred within the expenditure categories, with technology securing a markedly enlarged portion at the clear expense of salaries.

Regarding revenue streams, the national government remained the principal contributor, albeit with a slight rise from £175.5 million to £177.8 million. Local tax revenues experienced a more pronounced upsurge of £11.1 million, climbing from £91.2 million to £102.3 million. Grants, in contrast, remained perfectly stable at £38 million in both years. Consequently, the aggregate budget expanded from £304.7 million to £318.8 million, reflecting a total growth of approximately £14.1 million.

In terms of outlays, the distribution underwent a significant transformation. Salaries for officers and staff, which constituted the overwhelming majority of spending, diminished substantially from three-quarters to just under seven-tenths (75% to 69%). The resources relinquished from salaries were predominantly redirected to technology, whose share almost doubled, escalating from 8% to 14%. Expenditure on buildings and transport remained unchanged at 17%, while other unspecified categories collectively accounted for the residual 1% of the budget in both years.

In summary, while the structure of budget sources remained relatively stable, the allocation of funds demonstrated a strategic shift, signaling a growing investment in technological resources over traditional personnel costs during this period.

为什么“词汇6分”会直接扼杀“任务完成度9分”的可能性？

假设一个场景：你试图用6分的词汇，去完成一个需要“精妙、全面、有见地”的9分任务。

1. 从“词汇6分”的定义反推：
官方对6分LR的描述包括：

• 使用足够的词汇量来讨论话题，但可能不够灵活或精准。
• 在拼写和构词上可能出现明显错误，可能给读者造成一些理解困难。

2. 矛盾点爆发：
当你想表达一个9分TR所需的“精妙”见解时，比如：

• 9分思维：“该数据揭示了从劳动密集型支出向资本密集型投资的战略性转变。”
• 6分词汇可能产生的表达：“The number shows that money changed from paying people to buying machines... This is a good plan.”

你会发现：

• 精准性缺失： “战略性转变”变成了模糊的 “a good plan”。
• 抽象概念无法表达： “劳动密集型”、“资本密集型”等概念超出了6分词汇的范畴。
• 错误造成歧义： 拼写或搭配错误可能让“战略性”被误解。

结果就是：你的“精妙见解”因为词汇贫乏和错误，根本无法被准确、清晰地传达给考官。 考官无法理解你真正想表达的分析深度，自然无法在TR上给你高分。任务完成度的“完成”二字，本身就依赖于有效的语言传达。

模拟案例：用6分LR描述同一个数据变化

假设要描述“技术支出占比从8%翻倍至14%”：

• 9分LR/TR的表达（如您上一篇）：

  “The most dramatic shift occurred in the allocation for technology, whose share almost doubled, escalating from 8% to 14%. This reallocation of resources signals a paradigm shift towards technological augmentation of policing.”

  • 任务完成度：不仅描述变化，还点明了其性质和信号意义（战略性转变）。
  • 词汇资源：使用 dramatic shift, allocation, escalating, reallocation, paradigm shift, augmentation 等精准、学术的词汇。

• 试图用6分LR实现9分TR（必然失败）：

  “Technology spending went up a lot. It was 8% and then became 14%. This big change means the police want to use more computers now.”

  • 任务完成度：虽然试图指出“这意味着”（want to use more computers），但分析停留在表面，用词普通，无法体现“战略性重新分配资源”的深度。因此，TR分数也会被拉低至6分档。
  • 词汇资源：went up a lot, big change, use more computers 属于基础词汇，缺乏精准度和学术性。

用词

1. delineate：勾勒边界 / 详细界定
2. illustrate：通过例子/图表说明
3. demonstrate：用证据证明某事为真